Changing times have made the institution of marriage quite delicate. The world is a competitive place and there is affirmative action, ladies as their counterparts have to put bread on the table for the family. In striving to achieve this, often couples are pushed to the limit. One partner may want a given number of children while the other feels that it may kill/affect their career. Or for some other reason, may reject the idea. And this could cause a wonderful couple to part. How to deal with break up in couples with children is a delicate issue made more so when there is an expectant mother. It is very easy to assume that a child of school going age should be under mother’s care. It is important to seek ways of calmly dealing with this as stress will affect the unborn child/mother and can lead to complications during pregnancy and at birth. It can also affect the development of a child after birth.
It is necessary to reach agreements on each parent’s responsibilities and duties to both the born and unborn children. This helps the children’s development as they cultivate a positive attitude and will not be negatively affected. Parents who are not living with their children should visit the children as agreed or/and their children, in turn, should visit them. The ladies should find some involving activities even if they are not physical i.e. art or sewing that will hold their thoughts off the troubles they are facing. This will help them deal with the break up helpfully without interfering with the development of the unborn child. It may require involvement of legal experts to help draw up legal papers. This though, may prove to be a stumbling block should the couple want a reunion. Therefore, it should be a carefully drawn up so that no one feels aggrieved.
If it is a first child for the lady, and she feels the father wants to leave, she should not use the pregnancy to arm twist the father into marriage in the hope that the birth of the child will restore good feelings and balance to the relationship. They should accept the situation and part, and plan how to get their boyfriend back when the child is born. Using pregnancy will only make the man feel a prisoner and there will be even less desire to be in the relationship. It may also discourage his interest in a relationship /marriage involving the opposite sex at other times. They can chose, for the sake of the children, to separate since their being together may not be helping them (parents are ever quarrelling. This will make the children to start comparing their family to other families). As such, it’s better if the couple lived apart and let the children know that their parents are divorced. This will not affect their growth as long as there are arrangements in place to let the children develop relationships and bonds with both parents.
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